Boundaries

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 - 1:35 PM CST

Boundary Four: Hold Close and Kiss

Slow and sweet, hard and passionate, soft and warm, kisses are wonderful things.

But first kisses can be extremely awkward.

My husband's first kiss happened at church camp. They smooched, and then she told everyone he was a bad kisser. What did she expect? It was his first time.

Kissing takes practice, and yes, there is such a thing as a bad kisser. Who wants to wipe their mouth after a slobbery wet smackarooni?

If putting your arms around someone is a sign of togetherness, kissing let's the world know that you are serious. It's more than a show of romance. It's deep, multifaceted and profound--especially the first time.

Remember your first kiss? Was it everything you'd dreamed it would be? Mine wasn't.

We were playing putt-putt golf with another couple. My friend pulled me aside and whispered, "Spencer is going to kiss you. Dalton told him he should."

What?

I wasn't sure if I should let him or not. I didn't want my first kiss to be the result of a dare or peer pressure. Instantly I went into stealth mode. I'd see Dalton winking at Spencer and joking around with him when he thought Katy and I were out of earshot. Spencer was bright red and trying to play off Dalton's teasing with a pseudo-macho attitude.

One of the holes had a mock cave as part of the obstacle. Dalton and Katy putted through first, and then Spencer and I went. I leaned against the wall, waiting for him to putt. Catching that we were alone, he came up to me and tried to kiss me.

Sensing this was about to be the moment I'd dreamed of for 15 years, and not wanting it to happen like this, I turned my head. He lips caught the edge of mine, so I guess it counts, but really? At the mini-golf? Ugh.

I felt bad about embarrassing him and the next week at school, I gave Spencer a pop kiss in the halls during lunch. The problem is that neither of our motives were pure. Peer pressure and a false sense of guilt are no reasons to kiss anyone.

Now that Spencer and I had gone past the "Put Arms Around" boundary, kissing became the thing to do. We kissed each other hello. We kissed each other goodbye. He wanted to kiss all the time in the hallways, which made me uncomfortable. So now, "not kissing" became an argument.

This boundary line is the hardest, because once you're close enough to kiss someone, your hands are close enough to be touching parts of each other that should remain untouched until wedding vows are spoken.

Another problem with the kissing boundary is that after you break up, your next relationship zooms through the holding hands and putting arms around phases and before you know it, you're kissing on the first date--or even before the first date.

One of the wonderful things about kisses are their sweetness and the closeness you feel with the other person. You're sharing the same breath with another person. Your hearts are close to each other, and for a few blissful moments, you feel like one person.

One of my favorite lines of a popular song is, "Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss." Some versions read, "Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss," but that reminds me of a Saint Bernard dog. Recall the movie "Beethoven" where the dad's socks, shoes and bed are covered in slobbery dog drool.

Blech.

Inviting someone into your personal space is intimate. Think of how many people during your day are allowed to be close enough that you can smell their breath.

When someone reads over your shoulder it can be bothersome because the person is so close. Or when someone hovers. Look at a half-packed movie theater for proof of our deep, innate sense of personal space. People sit in alternate rows and leave several seats in between them. But when your heart desires that special someone, you can't be close enough.

Some couples choose wait to experience the intimacy and choose not to not kiss each other until their wedding day. What a sweet thing it is. They choose to treasure each other and not give in to their physical desires. Because kissing is an outlet to the infatuation, desire and passion you're feeling for the other person.

Even at weddings, will all the focus on the beautiful bride, the eager groom and the sometimes lengthy program, the audience is waiting for the magical moment when the groom kisses his bride.

I'll be honest with you, not all guys have pure intentions when it comes to kissing. In fact, one guy I know said, "Kissing was always a means to an end. If I kissed a girl long enough, eventually she'd let me sleep with her."

Then he met Krista and everything changed. "I loved her so much, I was afraid to kiss her," he said. "I knew I'd be tempted to go further, and I respected her too much to cheapen our relationship by making out. I wanted to marry her, not just have sex with her."

This guy knew that kissing was the equivalent of starting a car or revving an engine. Once you get going, it's hard to slow down, let alone stop. God created us this way. Kissing is the beginning of the sexual process, and when you choose to live a life of purity, you have to be careful how long your kisses last and harness the passion behind them.

If we're not careful, kissing tiptoes across the next boundary line, Further Physical Contact. This is why daddies of daughters don't like their little girls kissing boys goodnight or let them go "parking" in their boyfriend's car. Remember to respect your dating partner enough to keep the hormones under control by keeping your kisses soft, sweet and short.